


The Experiment

by orphan_account



Category: Smosh
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Complete, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff at first but then you start sobbing, Ianthony - Freeform, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Minor Injuries, Series, Wordcount: Over 10.000
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-06
Updated: 2015-11-06
Packaged: 2018-04-30 08:22:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 13,902
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5156795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's a crazy time for Ian and Anthony. They find out that they may are in love with each other. But are they really? They start an experiment...</p><p>(aka a very old Ianthony series of mine. Excuse my inexcusable errors, may they be spelling, grammar or the wrong use of sexuality labels. I swear to god my writing has improved since.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Experiment

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this story AGES ago and only ever uploaded it on wattpad. But now I've decided to upload it here.  
> The plot is kinda shit, just like the writing. Anyways, hope you enjoy!

_***Anthony's POV*** _

As I opened the door to Ian's bedroom, I saw him lying on his bed, holding a book in his hands. I couldn't see the title on the front page - neither an image. "What are you reading?" I asked curiously, wanting to know the topic of the mysterious book.

Ian winced and shut the  used-looking book he was holding, hectically putting it in a drawer of his bedside table. "Knock the next time, you idiot! That scared me."

I shirked. "Okay." I pointed at the drawer he put the book in. "So, what were you reading?" Ian was just scratching his stubby beard without answering my question, so I decided to start talking about the topic for which I came in my friend's room.

"May I have a seat?" I asked, not wanting to have to stand the entire time.

"Erm.. Yeah,  sure!" Ian replied with a smile, moving a little bit and making space for me to sit on the bed. As I went to the bed and sat down, he pulled himself together and sat up, so that we were face-to-face.

"What is it?" he asked, looking not that sure if he should be serious or not.

I looked at him for a few seconds before I decided to talk. "It's about... you." I started. "Well, in fact, it's more about us. I have the feeling that you avoided me the last few days, could that be right?" I decided to not tell him that it really hurt me, though. Anyways, I was pretty sure that he was aware of it.

"I didn't.", Ian replied with a played cold, emotionless voice. "How did you come up with that anyways?"

I ignored his question, knowing that he was lying. "Is it about the kiss?" I asked carefully, looking away from my friend's gaze.

This will probably sound very weird for people who don't know what happened a few day ago, when we were shooting the friday-video for this week. I played my character Antoinette and had to 'accidentally' kiss Ian on the lips. That’s what was in the script, but instead I kissed him on the cheek. Nobody complained when I told them that I did this, because otherwise we could probably get bad comments. But in reality I didn't care about the comments at all. It was just so weird, having to kiss my best friend, while all the other people stare at us. And then having it in the video... I just couldn't stand the idea.

"So, is there something wrong about me, or what?" Ian suddenly asked. His voice was loud, but I heard that he was frightened of the answer. "Why didn’t you kiss me, like it was is the script? I remember you writing this part! Tell me." he added when I didn't reply.

I shirked from his look and twiddled my thumbs. "Why do you think that there is something wrong with you?" I asked him, honestly wanting to hear the answer. "I just thought it would be better this way."

"Well yeah... But you refused to kiss me, and that really... hurt." I heard him swallow after confessing this to me. "It’s not like this would've been our first kiss."

I felt my cheeks blush, when I remembered the few kisses we exchanged when we were younger. 'Nothing serious, just experimental. ' - at least that was what my mom said, when she saw us kissing in my bedroom. There was a strange feeling in my stomach, when I thought back to it. Was it really just 'fun'? A joke? It felt like so much more to me, but I always kept sure that Ian wouldn't find out my opinion. To be honest, I thought that my friend forgot those memories, or at least tried to delete them from his memory. The fact that he is still aware that we had some sort of relationship once made me nervous.

I looked up from my hands and saw that my friend closed his eyes. His mouth was a little bit open, as he wanted to say something. And after a few seconds he did: "I know that you are not feeling the way I do, Anthony. For me our relationship was always a bit to intimate for 'just best friends'." He took a deep breath and continued. "Which isI weird, because I'm in an... How do people always say this?... healthy relationship. I don't know why, and I don't know how to explain it, but... I really like you Anthony. I always have."

He hadn't to explain anything to me, because suddenly everything made sense. I always thought it was just me, when he acted gay.'I just think that, because I wish it was true.' was what I always thought. This was probably a good moment to finally tell him.

"Ian..." As I said his name, he buried his face in his hands, taking another deep breath. "Ian" I started again, carefully speaking with a soft voice, so he won't be scared of what I'm saying. "I thought so. I really did."

My friend didn’t react in any way, so I continued.

"But a few years ago, I became very unsure about it. You being together with Melanie, you joking about being gay, but eww-ing at the whole 'Ianthony'-thing. And when I realized, that I wasn't right about you... You know being gay and stuff... I became sad." I had to grin when I continued talking. "I really don't know why, but I remember thinking to myself, that I never had a chance with you now. I tried to move on..." Suddenly my voice died. My stomach turned around when I saw Ian slowly raising his head and looking at me.

We sat there a few moments, then I heard Ian's voice. It was scarcely audible, but I could hear a sad undertone.

"Why wouldn't you kiss me then?"

I thought about his questions and decided to finally tell him everything.

"Well, first of all, I thought that this was... not good for a video. I mean... Our viewers would maybe be a little... confused." I took a deep breath. "To be honest, I thought that they maybe... had taken it seriously or so."

I decided to continue, because Ian didn't answer. He just stared at his feet, biting on his bottom lip.

"Second of all, it would be very weird if our first kiss since almost... eight years would be on camera. It would have been acting for a video. A lie." I hoped that Ian answered now, because I had nothing to say anymore. And - thank god - he did:

"You could kiss me now. Camera's off." He raised his head and looked into my eyes, waiting for an answer.

I didn't expect something like this, and when I realized that he was totally right, my heart skipped a beat. It would be a perfect moment for a kiss, wouldn't it?

I stared at him, thinking about what to do. After a few moments I pushed myself to doing something. I slowly moved my head to his, so close, that I could feel his breath. I remained like that for a redicioulasly long time, being aware of how much my next move could turn my world around.

And then I remembered them again: all the silly little kisses of our childhood. How I wasn't able to think, when he touched me. How we were both so confused about all of this. How we got drunk to not feel that way. How we slept next to each other, with our fingers interlaced.

Everytime I thought about it, it was like I didn't remember if it was real or just a dream. I wanted it to be that easy again, but i knew that it'll never be.

And then I pressed my lips against his regardless.

The kiss was very different to the one's of our youth. We knew what we were doing, we knew what it meant. I was aware of the consequences this act would bring, but I didn’t even think about breaking the kiss.

I didn't know what to do with my hands, so I raised them and touched his face. I stroke with my fingers over his soft skin, and then over his beard, which - and I realized that just now - had always turned me on a little bit. I noticed his astonishment as I did so, but soon he did the same. He slowly opened his mouth for a more powerful kiss. And I answered him.

I wanted to run my fingers through his hair, so I slowly rose my hands over his head, but in my current position that was rather uncomfortable, so I wanted to lean over Ian a little bit. But when he noticed what I was doing, he seperated his lips from mine.

We both breathed heavily, and I rested my forehand on his. I still had my eyes closed, but I opened them as soon as Ian leant back. He was directly looking into my eyes. After a few more breaths he began to talk.

"And now what? We both have girlfriends."


	2. Moving In

I knew that we had to speak about the fact that Ian had a girlfriend, and that I was engaged with Kalel. It was weird, because I always thought you could love only one person. But now I realized, that I'm in love with two people. There is only one soul mate for each human being, right?

That means, that either Kalel or Ian aren't the right person. But I felt like both of them were.

"Well, Kalel flies to the fashion week in Germany today." I began, as soon as I got an idea. "I could live here in the meantime, and you could, too, if Melanie is okay with it. We could... Try... being a couple."

To ask Ian if we could live here was not easy, even though it was only for a week. The day I told Ian that I will move out was one of my worst and best days of my life. My friend and I had a very serious conversation. We both cried, but at the same time I was very glad to finally move on with my life. I knew, of course, that this wouldn't be the end of Smosh, but i knew that it would make working with Ian and all the other people of Smosh more difficult. Only a few months after that, Ian decided to move together with Melanie.

A weird noise from Ian brought me back in the present. I saw that my best friend's eyes were tearing. "This will always be our house, right? ." he said, his voice shaky.

It broke my heart seeing him like this, and I came closer to him for a long-lasting hug. It was so warm and so safe. No problems anywhere. We two were together, and nobody else, like in the good old days.

But then I rememered what I wanted to say. "What about Melanie?" I asked. Yeah - what about her? What will she think, when Ian told her that he would live in the Smosh house for a while?

"She will understand that I want to spend time with my... best friend." Ian ended the hug. He smiled and I smiled back. 

"What do you think of this..." I began. "We could make an experiment. This week. No longer. Being a couple, you know? And after the week has ended, we can talk about it and decide what to do from there on."

"I'm in." He smiled and looked deep into my eyes. "But isn't that cheating?"

"It is, in some weird way, better to find out which person we prefer before we end our relationships, isn't it? I mean.. What if we're wrong? Maybe this is just imagination. Maybe this gayness is normal for friends like us, I mean... We know each other for so long!"

"You're right. Mel and Kalel would pro think the same way, wouldn't they?"

"Well, I don't know Melanie as good as you, and you don't know Kalel as good as me. But I guess... Yeah."

I stood up and slowly walked to the door. "I am gonna go and get my stuff from my house." I left the room, closing the door behind me. I drove home to fetch my clothes and asked my neighbors if they could feed Pip and Buki. I was really relieved when they said yes. I hectically thanked them and drove back to the Smosh house as fast as possible.

When I arrived, it already was dark. I stored my clothes and other stuff in my old bedroom and went to the living room. Ian was sitting on the couch, watching "Doctor Who", one of his favorite shows, on TV. When I walked in, he turned around, facing me.

"I talked to Melanie. She said that it's okay, if we don't see us this week, because she wanted to visit her parents anyways." He grinned and asked "Are you hungry? I went grocery-shopping."

The moment he said that, I realised that I was very hungry. So I nodded and went to the kitchen, Ian followed me. We made our sandwiches without saying a word, and when we were ready, we sat down at our table and began to eat.

"Mhhh!" Ian groaned, because the food was so good. "Foodgasm!"

I grinned and did the same noise.

"So good!"

After a while of eating silently, Ian began to speak.

"So, do you want to watch the new Batman Movie? The TV premiere is today." he asked.

I was really relieved that he started a conversation. "Sounds great! When does it start?"

My friend glanced at his watch. "Actually right now, I think."

"Well then let's go watch it!" I stood up and went to the couch. We both sat down, and Ian turned on the TV.

The movie had already begun, but we had missed only the first few minutes, so it was okay.

We watched it very long, and when the main couple kissed at the end, it was very weird to sit so close to Ian. And in the moment I thought about doing something romantic (because we were quasi in a relationship) I felt his hand touching mine. I held his hand very soft, and as I turned my head around, I saw him smiling at me. He looked like a little boy who got an amazing toy for his birthday. And I was the toy.

I smiled back, moving closer to him. We interlaced our fingers as I slowly sat down on his thighs. We were face-to-face once again, but this time, we hardly saw each other.

I leaned forward, my face was only a few millimeters away from his.

"I love you." Ian whispered. I replied to him by kissing him on his lips. During the kiss, I heard that the movie was over. Ian grabbed the remote and turned the TV off, without stopping kissing me. The room was totally dark now, no light was there.

As our kiss became stronger, I detached my hands from his, slowly leading them to the bottom of Ian's shirt to raise it.


	3. Test Subjects

As I raised Ian's shirt, I felt his soft body under my hands. It felt very warm in comparison to my fingers. When my friend realised what I wanted to do, he stopped kissing me and let me remove his shirt entirely. I tucked it on the ground, and as I did so, Ian started to kiss me again, but slower and shorter this time, like he didn't have the courage for more.

I lightly touched his trousers without really realizing it. My brain seemed like it had stopped working, and all my senses were as bad as at times I'm drunk. I felt Ian holding my arms back slightly, and when I didn't stop kissing him, his grab became stronger.

He seperated his lips from mine, and strechted himself so he could reach the nearest light switch. When the room was lighted again, I saw that Ian was staring into my direction with a mixed look. I could read confusion, surprise, and even a little bit of anger in his eyes, and it made me feel like I did something wrong.

"I just...." I began, but I stopped and sighed. A weird feeling overwhelmed me. Did Ian really think that I wanted to.. go all the way?

I realised that I was holding my breath, so I let the air out. "You know what? Forget it." I shook my head with the energy I had left.

It was after I stood up from Ian's tights, when I saw my friend with undressed upper body, and finally realized what we had done.

I took a deep breath, ruffled myself trough my hair and turned around, so that Ian couldn't see my face. What have I done? Did I really think this was a good idea? I felt my eyes burning like fire trying to hold my tears back. "Sorry." I murmured, just to say anything.

I didn't want Ian to see me like this, so I left the room as fast as possible, my head bowed. I could here Ian shouting "Anthony, wait!" behind me. I quicked my pace and ran to my bedroom, locking the door behind me and leaning against it. Ian was on the other side of the door already. He knocked.

"Anthony!".

He tried to open the door, but when he realised that it was locked, he said my name again. This time louder.

"Anthony, please let me in. We have to speak about it. I'm sorry that..." His voice broke, and I heard him whispering "I'm sorry that I disappointed you."

I didn't answer, instead I went to my bed and threw myself into it, burying my face in my pillow. I perceived his voice again, it was muffled trough the pillow, so I couldn't understand what he said.

I waited a few minutes, and when I was sure that he has gone, I stood up and looked through the keyhole in my door. No Ian anywhere. It was very late already, so I decided to go to sleep without brushing my teeth or showering. I didn't want to meet Ian on the way to the bathroom.

~

When I woke up the next morning, the sun was already pretty high. I forgot to set my alarm the last day, and so it was about 10 o'clock already. I immediately stood up and changed my clothes. After that I silently opened my door and walked to the bathroom.

When I brushed my teeth I thought about Ian and what he was probably doing in this moment. I thought of the possibility that he was editing this week's video, which we spent the last two days filming.

"I should help him with that." I muttered. So I left the bathroom and went into the kitchen for a fast breakfast. Ian sat on the table, drinking tea.

"Good morning." he said with a silent voice and smiled.

I was surprised to see Ian here, but I replied "G'Morning."

As I turned around to get the eggs from the fridge, I heard Ian moving his chair and coming towards me.

"I made you tea, in case you wanted some." He pointed to my cup which was standing next to the microwave. It was filled with steaming tea.

"I know you usually don't drink tea, but..." Ian stopped in the middle of the sentence.

I said "Thank you" because I didn't know what else to say.

We both then stood there for a few seconds, doing nothing but looking in each other's eyes.

"Anthony, we have to talk about it..." he began.

The memories of the last night came back into my thoughts and made it impossible for me to look at Ian any longer. I realised that I was embarrassed.

"I don't want to talk about it." I replied and looked at my cup of tea, which seemed very interesting all the sudden.

"We have to talk about it anyways. " Ian continued."Because it's about us - about our I-don't-know-if-we-are-even-a-couple-now-relationship. Tell me at least why you ran away and locked yourself in your bedroom afterwards. And why you didn't answer when I asked you if you were okay. That kinda... hurt."

"I didn't hear you." I replied without any emotion in the voice - at least trying to sound normal.

When I looked up, I saw that Ian's eyes were very sad-looking, almost depressed. He must have seen my astonished face, and explained: "I was afraid you would go away, back to your and Kalel's house, Anthony. I wanted you to stay here. This week or... maybe longer." His voice was shaky again.

I swallowed. Was he that frightened that I could go away? "Ian, I was the one who asked if we could live here this week. Why would I go?"

He didn't say anything, so I grabbed my tea, walked to the table and sat down. "Let's just forget this incident." I said, hoping that my friend wouldn't continue talking about it.

Ian didn’t answer, at least I didn't hear him, and he sat down next to me at the table.

"I don't quite understand this. Are we together now?" he asked me after a few silent minutes.

I thought about this question, and repeated what I said the day before:

"We are a couple for this week. After the week ends, we talk about it and decide... what to do."

Ian nodded like he remembered now.

I took a sip of my tea and waited for him to answer.

"Yes, you said that yesterday after..."

He didn't want to finish the sentence at first, but then he did, like he wanted to show me that he was not embarrassed about it.

"After we kissed." Pause. "But there is another question I wanted to ask you."

I didn't like how he was asking me so much. He was one half of this relationship and had to answer his questions himself. "What is it?" I said, and as soon he answered I knew why he asked me this. It was too important to not speak about it.

"Is this cheating?"

I was shocked. My friend already had asked this, but I still thought that this is something terrible to say.

Ian saw my shocked face and said:

"You didn't think of that, did you? It was bothering me the whole time."

I felt like a very bad person when I answered "Yes." and I was indeed one. "I think it's cheating, but not in a bad way... Not really. Do you know what I mean?"

I wanted to convince myself more than Ian, and so I was surprised when he replied:

"You're right. We're not really a couple. We're just experimenting. There's nothing too bad with that. Melanie would think so too."

Ian's sureness made me grin.

"Are you sure about that? Because I am not."

"Sure enough I guess." He sighed. "And if you want to be totally sure, you should call your fiancé." Ian chuckled.

I knew that this was meant to be a joke, but I seriously thought about it. I couldn't stand the idea of cheating on my girlfriend anymore.

"If I would call her..." I began. "Would you help me telling her?"


	4. Moments

Ian opened his eyes widley. "You would actually call her? What... What would you say?"

"I don't know." I truly had no clue what I would tell Kalel. But I knew that I it was the right thing to do, wasn't it? I mean, she has to know something like this!

I took my phone out of my pocket and pressed the 3-Button a few seconds. It was calling Kalel now.

"Wait... What are you doing?" Ian shouted. "Are you totally crazy?"

I ignored him and pressed on the button for the loadspeaker, so that Ian could here what Kalel said.

After about 10 seconds, Kalel answered the phone. "Hey honey!"

Suddenly, I was very nervous. "Hey! How is it going?"

We talked about her flight to Germany and what she was going to do this week, how the weather is and what I did the last two days. During the whole smalltalk Ian didn't say a word, but he stared at me the whole time, and his expression looked angry and frightned the same time.

Finally she finished talking about the delay of her flight, and it was my chance to talk about Ian and me.

"Kalel, there is something I have to tell you. Ian and I..." I began.

Then, all of the sudden, my friend stood up and left the living room, shutting his bedroom door loudly. And this was the moment I realised that I couldn't and shouldn't tell anybody about myself and Ian. So many people would be hurt, confused or angry. And some would be sad. So why should I do it, then?

"Yeah, what is it, Anthony?" I heard Kalel asking.

"I sleep here in the Smosh house this week." I finished my sentence. "our neighbors said they could feed Buki and Pip." I really hoped that my fiancée believed that this was what I wanted to say.

"Oh okay. That’s fine for me, as long as you visit our babies sometimes, so that they are not so alone, okay?" I sighed of relief. "I will! Promise! I wouldn't make a week without seeing the cats!"

"So, I have to hang up now! I have to go to the evening show soon. I will call you tomorrow, okay?"

"Ha, freaking timezones! Okay, hear from you then, honey." I hung up and put my phone back into my pocket. How could I even think of telling her that I am in love with another person? Especially if this someone is Ian! Yes, maybe it would have been the right thing to do, but I was scared. I didn't want my friends to feel hurt.

I decided to tell Ian about what happened right away, since he was obviously very mad at me. I stood up and walked to his door. I knocked a few times, but didn't get an answer.

I tried to open the door, and thanks god - it wasn't locked. I entered the room. Ian was sitting on his desk, and shut a book he was writing in when he heard me coming in. He turned around and looked at me.

I could see his worry, and so I decided to tell him about my drawback as soon as possible.

"Kalel doesn't know about us." I began. The more I said, the more relive I could see in my friend's face. "I didn't tell her anything about our relationship. The only thing she knows is that I sleep here this week. And she's okay with it, by the way." I added and smiled.

"Why would she not?" Ian asked, but I knew that it was a rethorical question, so I didn't answer.

"Will we ever tell somebody about this?" I asked my friend.

"We should decide this after the week is over." he replied. When I didn't answer, he added: "That was your idea, remember?"

I still didn't know what to say, and looked around the room to find a new topic. "What are you writing?" I asked, when I looked at his desk.

Ian turned his head to the notebook in front of him and sighed. "I guess I can tell you know." He raised the book, so that I could see the front page. It was plain, with no text and no pictures. It was the same book I saw him reading the other day.

"This is my... diary." Ian said. "I know it sounds pretty dumb... But it helps." He waited for my answer.

I went closer to his desk and reached out my hand. "Can I have it?" I asked.

Ian wasn't sure about it at first, but then he gave it to me. "I didn't write in it for months. But I couldn't resist when you said that you wanted to tell Kalel about this whole thing. I was so frightened."

"I'm sorry." I opened the book and began to read the first page.

24th of March, 2011

It's really weird to joke about kissing Anthony. Especially in front of the camera. I don't like it when people send us such "questions" on LTWS. I really hope Anthony didn't notice how uncomfortable I was.

I stopped reading and looked into Ian's eyes.

"It's dumb, I know." he said.

"No, Ian. That's not dumb. It's actually kind of cute." We smiled at each other, and I browsed a little bit in the book. I then read an entry from the 1st of March, 2013:

Today something really... amazing happended. We recorded the "Game Bang" . The game we played was 'Just Dance 4'. I was very bad (again), and I had to dance with Anthony at the end. The song was "One thing" and it was really much fun to dance to it, but at the end the characters in the game kissed, and Anthony came very close to me. I was scared that he kissed me, so I ran out of the room, acting grossed out. How can I survive this hell of acting normal?

There was more but I didn't read any further. Instead of doing so, I read the newest entry.

I can't believe I am writing in this book again. So much happened! I told Anthony finally that I am in love with him, and he said that he might be in love with me too! I still can't believe it! We kissed and nearly had sex and... And now he is calling Kalel to tell her about it. Why would he do something like that? After all, this whole experiment-thing was his idea.

This was the end of the entry. I looked up and saw that Ian was very red in the face. "Nothing you have to be ashamed of, Ian!"

"If you think so..." He didn't seem like he believed what I said. I closed the book and put it on Ian's desk. "We should work on this week's video.", I said to change the subject.

So we edited the video for about three hours straight. Then Ian said that he was hungry, and we decided to film "Lunchtime with Smosh".

When we sat in my car, driving somewhere to get food, Ian wanted to turn on the camera and film us. But before he could do that, I said "Wait. Ian, should we act normal? I mean..." I sighed.

"Yes. For this Lunchtime we are only friends again..." he replied, looking a bit disappointed. "We can't tell anybody about this whole thing."

"I know. And if we did, it shouldn't be on lunchtime." I agreed. Ian now turned the camera on and made an introduction of which food we are getting.

~

After we filmed Lunchtime, we edited it and uploaded it on our second channel.

"Do you want to finish the other video too?" I asked my boyfriend.

"No, I think it's enough for today. It's getting late, and I am tired. I think I go to bed now." he replied.

I thought about his answer a little bit and then asked him "Should we sleep together?"

After I said it, I realised that it sounded very wrong. So I added "I mean, both of us in one bed. Sleeping."

His face was getting red again, but he nodded. "Why not?" He stood up and went into the bathroom to shower and brush his teeth. I changed my clothes in the meantime and took a shower after Ian was done. When I had finished, I entered Ian's room.

My boyfriend was already lying in his big bed. When he heard me come in, he smiled and looked at me. "Hey."

I was smiling back. "Hey." I went to the bed and slowly laid down next to Ian. I felt the blood rushing through my face, and I knew that I must looked like a tomato in this moment.

Suddenly I felt very tired, and so I moved a little bit closer to Ian and closed my eyes. I felt his hand holding mine, and I could feel his breath in my face. We were very close, and it was warm and soft. I soon fell asleep.


	5. Is this the end?

The next days flew past. We worked on a new Smosh video and filmed Game Bang, Gametime and co. Ian and I acted normal the whole time, and it was a relief when we were alone at home, because we hadn't to pretend anymore. We kissed, but we agreed to do nothing more, because there was still this thing with our girlfriends...

Suddenly it was the evening of the seventh day, and the crew just left. Ian was in the kitchen to make some sandwiches, and I was sitting on our couch, waiting for him to sit next to me, so we could begin watching our favourite TV-show. My friend spend quite much time in the kitchen - definetly more than he needed to make sandwiches - but I didn't ask when he gave me my food.

He sat down next to me and pressed the Play-Button. The TV-show started, but I couldn't focus on it, because I thought about our relationship and if it ends now.

I had just finished my sandwich when Ian got himself a beer from the fridge.

"Anthony, you know we have to talk." he said as he seated himself.

I looked at his face and saw that he looked at me too. I sighed and pressed pause.

"I know. I just... What do we do now?" I asked him.

"There are two possibilities: Either we tell our girlfriends about us or we don't."

"I want to tell them. I want to tell... everyone. But I don't think I can." I replied.

Ian closed his eyes. "I could try to tell them."

I was surprised about that. Ian was normally a bit shy when it comes to the topic of love.

"But I can't promise anything." he finished.

"It doesn't matter who does it. The thing that is important is that somebody does it. I can't pretend to only be your friend anymore. I can't do it."

Ian opened his eyes again. "You're right. But what do we do after we told them?" He looked up the ceiling. "You know what I mean."

This was a very difficult question. "If someone asked me who I would choose - Kalel or you... I wouldn't know the answer. I love Kalel, I want her to be my wife. But... I have this feeling that you are the one I searched for my whole life."

"Same with Melanie." he responded.

I thought about it and came to a resolution. "Let's just... tell them. The sooner the better. We can't continue lying to them like that."

Ian seemed to not like my idea, but he couldn't think of anything better. "Okay, let's do it. When is Kalel coming back exactly?" he asked.

"She arrives at the airport at 2 a.m. So I have to leave at around one." I looked at my watch. "We have two hours till then."

"Let's just finish this episode first!" Ian said and grabbed the remote. He pressed the pause-button again and we finished the episode.

*

Ian and I were standing at the front door.

"Well, I guess we see us tomorrow." I said.

He gave me a kiss on the cheek and smiled. "Good luck."

I knew that I would need that luck. "Thanks. Will you...?" I began.

"Melanie comes back tomorrow night. I will tell her then."

"Shouldn't I wait to tell Kalel then? They're good friends." I asked him.

"I'm sure you and Kalel will have enough to talk about." Ian sighed. "Good night then."

"Good night." I gave him one more smile before I turned around and got into my car. I drove to the airport and waited for Kalel to arrive.

When my fiancée got in the car, we hugged and kissed and talked about her week, but I didn’t start the car.

Eventually she asked "What are you waiting for, Anthony? Let's drive home."

I swallowed. "There is something I have to tell you first." I stuttered. I closed my eyes and bowed my head.

"What is it, Anthony?" Kalel's voice sounded frightened. "Tell me."

"You know that I love you, right? I always will. I'm not lying about that." I began.

My fiancée didn't answer, so I continued: "I may... fell in love with Ian."

I heard Kalel gasp. "What do you mean with 'fall in love with' him?"

I knew that she knew what I meant, but I answered anyways.

"He told me that he loved me. And then we kissed and... It's all very confusing."

I heard Kalel's voice break. "Why didn't you tell me?" she whimpered.

When I opened my eyes I saw that she began to cry silently. "I love you both, Kalel. It's so weird."

"If you would really love me" she began. Her voice was shaky. "...you wouldn't have fallen in love with someone else, as soon as I am far enough away." She opened the door and got out of the car. "Goodbye, Anthony." She bang shut the door, got her stuff from the trunk and rab away, as fast as her high heels allowed her to.

I couldn't hold back my tears anymore and they rolled down my face. "Kalel..." I whispered. That wasn't what I wanted. I had thought that Kalel would understand my weird situation. She couldn't just leave me like that, could she? Did she just break up with me? Could this be reality?

My hand was shaky, but I somehow managed to dial Ian's number on my mobile phone. When he answered the phone he sounded worried. "What's up, man?"

I took a deep breath. "She's gone, Ian. Kalel's gone."


	6. Not as planned

I didn't hear Ian on the other side of the line for a while, but then he stuttered: "What do you mean with... 'Kalel is gone'"?

My whole body was shaking. "When I told her the truth she began to cry and ran away with her whole stuff. I think she is inside the airport right now."

Ian breathed loudly, but calmly. "What did she say?"

"That I'm not in love with her anymore, because I fell in love with you. I said that I love you both, but she didn't believe me."

My friend didn't answer.

"What the heck should I do now?" I asked him.

"It's maybe the best when you come back to the Smosh house. Maybe Kalel is going to your house. You don't want to see her, right?" he replied.

"Yes, you're right. I'll come to the Smosh house. Are you still there?"

"Yeah. " Ian answerd. "Wait, there is one more thing..."

"What is it?"

"Sorry to ask but... Are you single now?" he asked me.

I didn't know if Kalel broke up with me. But I knew what my answer to Ian's question was.

"No, I have a boyfriend." I replied and hang up.

I wiped off my tears and started the car.

I was almost halfway at the Smosh house when I got a text from Ian. I picked up my phone and read it. It said "come home fast, i have sth 2 tell you"

When I looked up from my phone, I saw another car in front of mine. Then all became black.

#

When I woke up, I realised that I wasn't in my car anymore. I remembered what happened, and my head hurt. When I opened my eyes I could see a plain white ceiling above me.

After a few seconds I was able to hear again. There was a constant "peep"-noise, and it really hurt in my ears, because it was very loud.

I sat up and saw that Ian was sitting next to my bed in an old chair, reading a something on his phone. When he saw me sitting up, he looked up and smiled. Then he stood up and pushed a little button on the wall. A few seconds later a nurse entered the tiny room.

Ian went to her and they spoke very quiet, so I couldn't hear anything. Then the nurse came to me and pushed a few buttons on a machine next to me. The "peep"-noise disappeared.

"Hello Mister Padilla. I see that you are awake. If you want to, you can go home now. You only had a shock and a concussion. You were really lucky."

I was surprised about that, but I didn't ask how I could have this much luck.

I turned around to look into Ian's face. "What the fuck happened?"

The nurse cleared her throat loudly.

"You crashed your car. Nothing too bad, but the car is crap." my boyfriend replied. "Nobody knows about it.", he added.

I sighed of relief. "Good. It should stay that way."

The nurse nodded towards us. "Goodbye Mister Padilla, Mister Hecox. Have a good day."

In the second she left the room, Ian leaned forward and kissed me for a few seconds.

"Let's go home now, shall we?" he asked and helped me stand up.

~

As soon as we arrived at the Smosh house, Ian wanted to help me going to my bed.

"I'm okay Ian. I just have a headache." I said to him as I laid down.

"Well, in that case..." He leaned above me and continued talking: "We could..." He kissed me on the lips. "You know, we have no girlfriends anymore... So it's not cheating anymore. Also, I heard sex is good again headaches."

My boyfriend grinned and kissed me again, this time more powerful. I had this weird feeling in my stomach, that I had only had when I was with Kalel, and feeling it with Ian was... Well... Weird as fuck.

"Wait!" I said. He looked confused into my eyes. "What about Melanie? Did you speak with her yet? You just said we don't have girlfriends anymore, that means you broke up, doesn't it?"

Ian sighed. "Right, I didn't tell you yet."

I wanted to ask if this was the thing he texted me about, but I didn't want to remind him that his text was the reason for the crash, so I just said "Then tell me now."

Ian sat up and looked at his feet. "Melanie called me. I think Kalel told her about us. Anyways... She was pretty upset at first. But I explained it to her and told her everything."

He looked into my eyes again. "I mean like... really everything."

I was mad at him for telling Melanie 'really everything', but I could understand why he did that.

"She listened to me quietly the whole time, and then she said that I..." he continued and came a bit closer to me. "That I should follow my heart and be happy. And... I was a douchebag and said that my heart is on the way to the Smosh house right now..."

I blushed at the thought of being Ian's soulmate. "You're not a douchebag. It was right that you told her the truth." I calmly replied.

Ian nodded and wanted to kiss me, but I said "Stop. Continue the story. You're not finished yet."

My boyfriend sighed. "Well, she said 'Looks like we're not a couple anymore.' and then she wished me a good night. She even said 'see you later'. She tried acting cool, but I heard that she was crying."

I thought about that a few seconds. "She wants that you stay friends."

"That's good, I want that too. She is an amazing woman."

The way Ian spoke about his ex-girlfriend was very sweet and reminded me how Kalel and me parted - in a whole different way. Will we continue seeing us? It's unavoidable, and a part of me liked that. But then I realised...

"We have to cancel our wedding."

Ian was a little bit confused at first, but then he knew what I meant. 

"Oh, you're right. That's hard, man." he answered. "But with my help, you can do it."

"I really hope so." I replied.


	7. Radioactive

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> On the 25th of August 2014 I replaced chapters 1-6 with the updated, edited versions. If you already read the chapters before that date, you can just continue reading from this point. As I said, I only edited the chapters - The story stays the same.
> 
> Though, if you are interesting in the old version, I uploaded a comparision of the first 6 chapters (original and updated version). You can find it here: http://tinyurl.com/theexperimentedited

The days went by, and I sat every free minute in the office, watching YouTube-videos and reading advice texts about divorcing. After a while, I felt like I knew everything about it, but the thing was: Kalel and me weren't even married. We were just engaged, and the 'only'  thing I had to do was canceling our wedding.

I was about to try if Kalel answers her phone, when Ian knocked and came in, without waiting for my answer.

"Hey." His voice sounded pitying. "I just wanted to ask, if you finally talked to Kalel."

"I just wanted to call her. Don't rush me!" I answered.

"What, you're gonna CALL her? Are you insane? She won't even answer the phone!"

"Then, what should I do in your opinion?" I was annoyed by him saying what I should do and not do.

"Well, do it face-to-face!" Ian looked with wide opened eyes at me.

"But I don’t even know where she is, Ian."

"And what if I told you that I know where she is?"

Surprised I raised an eyebrow. I didn't expect him to know where Kalel was.

"Why do you know?" I asked.

Ian put his phone out of his pocket and waved it around.

When I didn't say something he explained: "Melanie knows where she is. They're good friends."

"So you talked with Melanie about it...?" I asked, because I wasn't sure how I should understand what he just said.

"Not yet." Ian unlocked his phone and touched the screen three times. "But I will now."

He tapped one more time, and I heard a loud "beep". After only two of these beeps, I heard Melanie's soft voice.

 "Hey, Ian."

The last time I heard her voice was pretty long ago, and hearing her through the phone felt weird. Especially because of the reason we called her.

Ian sat down on the ground, still holding his phone with his left hand. I copied him and sat down in front of him.

 "Hey." My friend now seemed unsure too. "Can I ask you something?"

 "Yeah, go ahead."

 "It's about Kalel. Where is she? We really need to know."

 "Ian, I knew that you would ask me that. But I promised her that I wouldn't tell you."

 "Why does she hide? She's running away from her problems."

 "She isn't hiding. She just needs time... Like all of us."

When I heard Melanie say this, I felt like I had to say something. "I needed time, too. But I had my time! We have to speak about everything, dammit! It's not easy for me either..." My voice broke at the last sentence.

There was silence on the other side of the line. Ian looked at me, worried.

But Melanie began to speak again.

"Well, I didn't know you were there too, Anthony. And I hope you know that I have to hate you for that what you did to one of my best friends."

"Hey, it's not alone his fault!", Ian exclaimed.  "It was mine too, and you don't hate me! In fact, I broke up with you, and you should hate me. But you don't. We are still friends. And Anthony is my friend, so he is yours, too!"

Silence. Again.

"I could never hate you, Ian. I love you." Her voice was shaky. "And you're right about Anthony. Sorry, I was just mad because of Kalel. She rubs off on me."

"What do you mean with 'she robs off on you'?" I asked her.

"She's mad at you, obviously!"

Before I could answer, Ian said "Another reason why we have to know where she is."

"Okay, I will tell you then. She's at her parents place. I don't think she told them yet, but I really have no clue."

"I knew it! But what excuse did she tell her parents?" I said.

Ian looked at me and said "I don't think that you need an excuse for visiting your parents."

"You're right. But how am I gonna speak with her now?" I asked both of them.

"Whatever you do - don't drive to her parents! If you want to, I can pass something on to her." Melanie didn’t sound very joyful.

"No." I answered. I wanted to speak to Kalel myself. I wanted to see her face again. Her fucking beautiful face. "Well... Yes. Say her, that I'm coming. NOW!"

I jumped on my feet and turned of the computer.

"I guess I can't stop you. Ian...?" came from the phone.

"Sorry, Mel. I understand how Anthony is feeling about this. But anyways - I wouldn't be able to stop him, either. I am gonna hang up now. See you later." Ian mumbled and ended the call the second I left the room.

_***Ian's POV*** _

Anthony surprised me with his sudden determination. He was more the shy, reserved guy in the last few days, but I guess he just has a lot of feelings lately

More than such a sensitive man can take.

I decided to follow my boyfriend to the garage. He was already next to the car, when I got there.

"Wait, Anthony. I want to drive you." I didn’t say it out loud, but I was worried if Anthony was able to drive a car after meeting Kalel.

For a second, it looked like Anthony was going to say that he doesn't need me and that I should stay here. But then he just shook his head and blinked at me. I noticed that his eyes glinted thankfully, although he tried to hide it from me.

"Okay. Which car?" he asked me.

I thought about it a second and answered "Let's take mine."

After we got into the car, Anthony asked me if I knew where Kalel’s parents live.

"Yes, actually. They're living not that far away from here, aren't they?"

"Yes." Anthony confirmed. "About one hour with the car. Well, as long as we don't get in a traffic jam."

The drive was about as long as expected, and Anthony sat quiet next to me the whole time, browsing through the Internet on his phone.

"Anthony?" I asked when we were almost there.

My boyfriend looked up and turned his head towards me. "What is it?"

 "When will you tell them?" I pointed at the phone is his hands. At this moment, Twitter was open.

I cleared my throat and corrected myself: "When will we tell them?"

My friend lowered his head and sighed. "One thing at a time, okay? The fans will be the last ones to know."

I stopped the car a few hundred meters away from our destination, next to a modern café.

"I'll be waiting in there."

Anthony nodded and opened the door of the car. "Wish me luck."

"I will." I answered and grabbed his hand to hold it tidly for a second.

When I pulled away again, my boyfriend left the car and walked into the direction of the house.

I waited a few minutes and then grabbed my phone to call Melanie. I wanted to talk to her.

And so I talked to Melanie, while Anthony was at Kalel’s place, instead of going into the café.

When he texted me that he is on the way to the car, I said bye to Melanie and got out of the car. Anthony was walking towards my direction. When he was finally close enough that I could see his expression, I noticed the tired look on his face.

"Let's drive home." he sighed, without saying hello. I agreed and we got in my car. As I was starting up the car, I asked Anthony: "So... How was it? Did you talk to her?"

"Yeah." was his silent answer, as he turned on the radio. _Imagine Dragon_ 's 'Radioactive' started to play in a volume that didn't allow me to continue talking.

I started driving, and when the song finished, I quickly shut the radio off before the next track started.

"Please tell me what happened." I begged my boyfriend.

"Alright. I went in and her parents said she was upstairs in her old room. So I went upstairs. I knocked and entered the room. I didn't actually wait for an answer. I think I learned that from you. Anyways..." Anthony took a deep breath. "She wasn't surprised to see me, because Melanie really told her that I was coming. The room was a mess, and she was a wreck, but I could tell that she wanted to look as good as possible." My friend made a short pause before he continued. "She didn't greet me, didn't even look at me when I came in. She was doodling some clothes while lying on the small bed. I complimented her on how talented she is in stuff like that. But she just said 'Get out of my ass.' Well, I tried to stay nice and calm and told her about how happy I am because of you..." He looked into my eyes for a split second. "...and how sad I was because she and I apperantly couldn't stay friends -  like you and Melanie. And then finally she began to open up. She told me how she looks up to Mel because of this, and that she of course wants to stay at my side - if not as my girlfriend or fiancée, then as my friend."

What Anthony told me seemed good. I smiled at him, but looked back on the road quickly. My boyfriend still hadn't finished his story.

"Anyhow, I told her that I would love that and we hugged and she started to cry. That's when she asked me to leave. And so, here I am. End of story."

"So everything's okay now?" I asked him.

"Yeah, I guess so. Maybe not. She's still angry and sad, but that's normal, isn't it?"

"Yeah, I'd say so. Did you talk about the wedding too?" I curiously asked my boyfriend.

"Nah, one step at a time. Anyways, I'm hungry. Let's eat lunch."


	8. The fellow homosexuals

After eating lunch that we got at a noodle place we often go to, we had to brainstorm ideas for the next view Smosh videos. We were sitting on the rug of the living room, scribbling weird, funny and original ideas on a sheet of paper.

"The viewers loved Sebastian and Fabian. We should make another video with them sooner or later." Anthony reminded me.

I sighed. "The fangirls just love when we act gay. But, yeah we can make another one with them." This reminded me that we still had to come out of the closet. "Anthony, how are we gonna tell everyone? About the gay thing, I mean. Do we tell our friends and family first? Or should we just make a coming-out video and show it everyone?"

"Nah." my boyfriend replied. "We should tell them personally. Else it would be cheating, kind of." He wrote down the words "Coming Out" on our idea-sheet. "But sooner or later we have to come out to our fans too."

"That shouldn't be a big problem." I giggled. "It's a dream come true for most of them."

Anthony joined my laughter. "I guess you're right."

A few hours later Anthony and I got ready for recording Game Bang. We had to drive to the Smosh Games HQ for that. When I was finished changing I knocked on the bathroom door. "'You ready?" I asked in a loud voice.

"Don't stress me." came the answer from behind the closed door. Anthony unlocked the door. Without thinking I entered the room to tell him that we're already late. My boyfriend was standing there in his underwear, putting on a "Smosh Time"-Shirt the second I came in.

"Oh, I thought you were ready. Sorry." I stuttered, whilst watching him flattening his shirt. My friend bent down to pick up his trousers.

"It's okay. I was the one unlocking the door." He stood up straight and looked me in the eyes. "Other than that, it's not like we already have seen each other naked."

"True." I answered, and yet I could get my eyes off the bulge in Anthony's pants. Unfortunately, a few seconds later he was fully dressed. After a quick look into the mirror and a bit hair styling, my friend was finally ready to leave.

"Well then, let's go and come out to the Smosh Games crew!"

"Ok, now that Mr. and Mr. Superlate finally arrived, is everyone ready to film this?", Matt asked in the round.

Anthony looked at me and I looked at Anthony. We hadn't decided if we are going to tell them before or after recording Game Bang yet.

"Actually, no." my boyfriend hectically said.

"What is it now?" Joven said with a sarcastically annoyed voice.

I could see Anthony's face getting extremely red, because he forgot to put make-up on. His easy-blushing cheeks were a real problem for him.

Quickly, I stepped in to help my boyfriend. "We have something to tell you."

When my friends didn't react, I added "Sit down, this could take longer."

"But we're already late." Mari said.

"God dammit, we're playing video games here, it doesn't matter if we're late or not." Anthony sounded annoyed, but his face was still red. Slowly, I could feel myself blushing too.

After a quick glance-exchange between my boyfriend and me, I felt that I was going to be the one to tell them.

"Okay, so... There was a lot off stuff going around in our lives lately, which you didn't notice. Actually, you guys are one of the first to know." Finally, our friends seemed interested in what I wanted to tell them, and they sat down.

With new courage, I wanted to continue speaking, but Anthony interrupted me.

"The only ones to know till this point are our girlfriends..." My boyfriend cleaned his throat. "... I mean Kalel and Melanie."

Mari wanted to say something, but David punched her in the shoulder. Anthony continued.

"By what I was saying just now, you probably already guessed it."

The whole crew simultaneously raised an eyebrow. "What are you trying to tell us?" Joven asked.

Anthony didn't say anything, so I figured that it was my turn again.

"Melanie and I broke up." I heard Mari gasp. "But we're still friends. Same with Anthony and Kalel."

"Why? Just because you had a lot going on in your life?" Matt exclaimed.

"No!" I replied with a loud voice. "You don't understand! They were part of the reason why there was much going on! But it's not their fault!"

Now our friends looked confused.

"We're gay, god dammit." Anthony suddenly said. He seemed to have enough from the seesaw.

I felt my whole body shaking, when the crew finally understood.

And then, somebody entered the room. I turned around just to see Wes, our editor, smile and wave without saying a word. When he noticed that we weren't filming, he asked "You're not recording?"

I turned around again to look what my boyfriend's reaction was, and saw that he nodded his head towards David, who then explained "Ian and Anthony are gay, too."

Nobody of us said a word. Then, after some time, Wes found his voice again. "What... What do you mean, they're gay TOO?"  

David sighed and looked at Wes with serious eyes. "Come on."

Our editor blushed a bit, but the grinning on his face was back. "Hello fellow homosexuals."

I opened my mouth in surprise, but I couldn't say a word.

Thankfully, Anthony did. "You're gay?"

"So is there anyone else who wants to come out?" Mari jokingly asked. Her face seemed as surprised as mine.

"I'm a married man! I'm not gay, I swear!" David joked. But then he got serious again. "No but really, Wes is gay and Matt, Joven and I know that for a while now."

Wes finally came a bit closer to us and leaned against the wall. "So, are you gay for each other? Or just... gay?" Wes asked as to change the subject a bit.

I felt Anthony's side pressing against mine, and grabbed his hand. It was shaking uncontrollable.

"Yeah, we're together." I said silently. "Is this a problem?"

"Not for us, certainly." Joven said. "But what about Kalel and Melanie?"

I sighed. "As I said, they're not our girlfriends anymore. But Melanie understood me, she was sad of course, but she knows that she can't change my sexuality." I made a pause. "As for Kalel, there were some problems, but they're fixed now."

"We'll blow the wedding of course." my boyfriend added. "By the way," Anthony added. "Please don't tell anyone. Our families still don't know, and we're working on a Coming-out video."

"Alright." Matt said. "Just one question though..."

"What?" I asked, hoping it wasn't too embarrassing.

"Can we finally play the game?"

We decided to let Wes play with us in that Game-Bang episode. Anyways, he became more and more a part of the Smosh Games crew over the last few months, just like Flitz.

Recording the episode was as normal as always, and I was glad that my friends didn't make a big thing about Anthony's and my coming-out. I was still a bit surprised by Wes being gay, but wrote a mental note to talk to him. I didn't really know that much about how it is being gay, with other people knowing.

After David, Joven and Anthony did their punishment, we ended the episode as always: By shouting "Game Bang!"

We continued to play a bit afterwards, but the guys and Mari had to go soon. And so, Anthony and I were the only ones left.

We turned off the game console, grabbed a few snacks and decided to leave.

"'kay. Let's drive home now. We still have to finish our idea-sheet!" Anthony said and checked his trousers for the car keys.

"Weird to call it home. Most of my stuff's still at Melanie's. I have to grab it tomorrow or so." I said while leaving the room. My boyfriend followed me.

"Yeah, same with me. Then let's do this tomorrow and also go shopping. We have to make our old home to our new, better home!" Anthony's enthusiasm made me exited about working the whole day tomorrow and buying stuff like toilet paper.

"Yo! Let's do this!"


	9. Screams and Terror

My alarm clock went off at 6 AM the next day. Still not being used to waking up next to my boyfriend, I winced when I touched his arm. When I stood up to turn off the alarm, I heard Anthony mumble something from under the bed sheets.

"What did you say?"

"I sajd com here agrn." my boyfriend demanded, now in a louder voice.

"We have a lot to do today, Anthony!" I reminded him.

"I knoo... Pleassse"

Sighing I laid down next to him and covered myself with the blanket. My bare feet touched his.

"You're cold, man." Anthony mumbled and turned around so he was facing me. His chocolate-brown eyes looked tired, but he had a huge smile on his face.

"What?" I asked, wondering why he was grinning.

"You're beautiful."

My heart stopped for a moment, but then proceeded to pound at an incredible speed.  "Th.. Thanks." I lifted my hand and stroke my fingers over his cheeks.

"I love you, Ian." His voice was still quiet and tired, but his eyes were widely awake now. "I love you so very much..." He crowled closer to me and then even laid on top of me, our faces about two centimeters away from each other.

"God, Anthony! My.. Everything hurts!" I moaned, but his only response was a deep kiss. His hands wandered from the sheets to my face to my bare chest to my pyjama pants. From all the surprise I forgot to breathe, and had to separate my lips from his to catch my breath.

"Ian?" my boyfriend asked me with puppyeyes. I wanted to ask him what he wanted, but then I noticed that his fingers slipped slightly into my pants, remaining there and waiting for my answer.

I was completely sure what my friend wanted, but still I aspirated the word "What?"

I saw my friend blushing and felt his fingers stroking my underwear. "May I?" he asked quietly.

Breathing heavily, I had to make a decision. I wanted it, of course, but I didn't want it. After a few moments of silence, I thought 'Fuck it'.

"Yeah." I told him. "You may."

A hundred little deaths and four hours afterwards, we had finished cleaning the house.

"So, let's fetch our stuff from our old homes, shall we?" I asked Anthony.

"Elementary, my dear Watson." was his reply.

"What?"

"Homes. Holmes. Watson.", Anthony explained the joke.

"Yeah, whatever." I rolled my eyes. "Let's just go."

"If you're able to walk, yeah." my boyfriend continued joking.

"I am as much able to walk as you." I told him with a deadly stare.

Anthony giggled and came closer. He grabbed my hand and whispered in my ear. "Thank you, Ian."

Of course I knew what he meant. I pressed my lips on his mouth for a second, before Anthony let go.

"You’re welcome."

We left the house and seperated, both of us driving to our former homes, to get all of our stuff.

After grabbing bags and bags of my stuff and driving it all back to the Smosh house, I went through every little thing and placed it where it belonged. Anthony wasn't home yet when I needed a break, so I threw myself on my bed.

I woke up when I heard my friend call my name.

"Ian? IAN?!"

My bedroom door opened and Anthony came in. His face was relieved. "Ah there you are! I've been looking for you?" Then, after a longer look at me: "Were you SLEEPING?"

"You can’t do anything about it now." I mumbled and threw my blanket away, when my friend came closer and lied next to me.

"Are you still tired?" he asked me with a silent voice.

"Not much." I replied, wrapping my arma around my boyfriend.

"Okay, so I don't have to.. Wake you up a bit?"

"Nah." Whatever Anthony meant with that. "Let's make the house our home."

We stood up, and after a quick trip to the bathroom, I was ready to start.

"Sorry I took so long." Anthony said. "I saw a wonderful shop on the way and bought some stuff we need."

"Thank god!" I didn't want to go shopping in the first place. I thanked my boyfriend with a powerful kiss.

"I have to go shopping more often...". Anthony grinned.

"I wouldn't have anything against it!" I exclaimed. "But now... Let's start!"

We were currently tidying up when Anthony suddenly stopped and just staired into the void.

"What's wrong?" I asked him.

"I just... Just thought about how I should tell my parents."

Right, we didn't come out to our families yet.

"It'll be okay.", I calmed my friend down. "We're not in the 90's or so anymore."

"Yeah, I know that YOUR parents don't have anything against it!"

"That’s probably true..." I said, remembering how I told them that one of my good friends was gay. "But your parents were always very caring!"

"...and strict!"

"Strict doesn't mean homophobic!" I went to were Anthony was sitting and hugged him tightly. "I will be there with you, so it's gonna be fine!"

"Thank you, Ian." Anthony sighed. "I guess you're right, I shouldn't be such a wuss about it!"

"That's NOT what I said! You have the right to be scared."

"Now you're just confusing me.", Anthony giggled. Glad that he could laugh again, I giggled with him and kissed him on the cheek.

"The sooner we tell them, the sooner it's over." I added when we were already continuing cleaning.

Days later -  we have already phoned our parents to come to our place a few hours earlier - we were nervous as hell. Both families agreed to come to the Smosh house, because 'We have something to tell you'. I figured that they were worried sick that something happened.

I just finished editing a video when Anthony decided to take a bath. Like -  a real bath. Not a shower, a bubblebath.

At first I wanted to go with him, because, you know, why the fuck not? But instead I prepared the living room for the few guests that were coming later, as Anthony told me.

"Thanks, man." Anthony said and dissappeared in the bathroom, locking the door behind him. I wandered off to the kitchen and put the chairs for the table next to our sofa. After I was done, I checked if everything was clean, and it was, so I imagined myself and Anthony standing there and coming out to our parents.

There was a strange feeling in my stomach, and I was scared, but I knew if Anthony was calm, I would be, too.

Unfortunately the next thing I heard from my boyfriend were crying noises from the bathroom. Instantly worrying, I ran to the bathroom door and knocked just as loud as necessary. The crying became louder and more hysterical the more I knocked, so I stopped and waited many minutes for my friend to calm down. When he finally unlocked the door, I entered the steamy, hot room as fast as possible, just to find Anthony rolling up as a ball lying on the floor. His face had gotten a bright red color, just like his teary eyes. His whole body was shaking and he rammed his head again the hard floor, again and again and again.

"Do you have a panic attack? Oh god, Anthony, I don't know what to do!"

But my friend was shaking his head.

It took a while till he could form words, but then he stuttered: "I'm sorry! I'm... I'm... It's not your fault..."

"What's not my fault? Anthony, honey, tell me!"

My friend began to shake even more, his teeth clenching together, making it hard for him to speak.

"Don't..." he began. "Don’t call me that! I'm not your honey!"

I felt a physical ache in my heart. What did he mean with that? He always liked my nicknames for him!

"Anthony," I said, speaking slowly and clear, "What's wrong?"

He just continued crying, so I decided to comfort him by stroking his back.

"I don't know what to do, if you have a panic attack." I whispered, because he was getting more silent.

"I told you -  I don't have a panic attack!"

"Then what's wrong?"

He didn't answer.

"Please tell me, Anthony. I'm your boyfriend, I have the right to..." My friend interrupted me with a hysterical cry.

"I'm not your fucking boyfriend!" he screamed and put his hands over his ears when I wanted to say something.

"I'm not gay! I'm not...!" he continued screaming with a load voice until he couldn’t anymore because of crying.

Seeing my friend like this and hearing what he was saying broke my heart, and I felt my eyes getting teary. The pain in my heart became uncontrollable when he screamed I should 'leave him the damn alone'.

Feeling my body starting to shake too, I stood up and left the room, closing the door behind me, which made my friend scream and cry loader than ever before.

I couldn't take it. I have never seen him like this before, this sure was no panic attack.

Anthony's endless screams wouldn't stop or become less hysterical, and I fled to my bedroom. The screams of my friend wouldn't stop, so I covered my ears just like he did. Sitting on my bed, I could feel the tears rolling down my cheeks. They were warm and I tasted their saltyness on my lips.

I thought about his words and if he was serious. Then I cried, and then I called our families so they wouldn't come. Then I cried again, and then I went back to the bathroom. The screaming had stopped a while ago, but the door was still locked. I couldn't here anything through the door.

Suddenly I was worried (even more than before.) I unlocked the door from outside, which took me a while but was possible, because of our weird doors.

Silent tears still running down my face, I opened the door.


	10. Untitled

Anthony was sleeping on the floor, his belly slowly raising and lowering with his breathing. His clothes were completely wet of sweat and were sticking to his body, making his well-trained muscles visible.

I didn't want to wake him, but I also didn't want to leave him there on the bathroom floor.

I closed the door, turned on all the lights in the bathroom and sat down next to Anthony on the cold floor. How he could sleep here? I didn't know. I leaned a bit down, so that my mouth was close to his ear.

"Anthony, I'm here. Wanna wake up, buddy? You're sleeping on the hard floor. The bed's more comfortable, isn't it?" I whispered.

But my friend just kept on sleeping. I looked up to the ceiling and got lost in my thoughts for a few moments, waiting for Anthony to wake up and talk to me. I sure was scared of what he would say. You never know after something like this. He did scream some terrible stuff.

Some minutes later, when I was adjusting my positiony, my boyfriend finally moved, and when I looked down at him, his eyes were already opened, but they looked sick and tired. I could swear he was smiling for a second, but he seemed to remember what happened and stopped.

"Ian." he said. His voice was almost completely gone from all the screaming.  "Our parents?" he asked.

"They weren't here." I told him, hoping that he wouldn't think it's his fault (although it technically was).

But he replied "Good, there's no reason they would come."

"What do you mean?" I was confused.

Anthony struggled a bit trying to stand up, so I offered him my hand for help, but he refused to take it. So we both stood up, very close together due the lack of space in the bathroom. Almost touching him, but not really touching him made me crazy, so I took a tiny step towards him, so that our bodies touched. I kissed him on the cheek to calm him a bit, but he just continued standing still like a stick.

"Let's get out of here." Anthony whispered, noticeable angry about his lack of voice, but also with a tired undertone.

He left the bathroom and I followed him after turning off the lights in the bathroom and closing the door. He was heading to our living room / kitchen.

It was already late evening, but too early to call it night. Anthony, who just slept, didn't seem like he was going to sleep again soon, but I was very tired, so I wanted to clear things up as fast as possible.

In the kitchen, Anthony took some pills against his aching throat, then turned around to me and looked me deeply in the eyes.

"I have something to tell you." he said, not changing his blank expression.

I was curious what he was gonna tell me, and I had no clue what it could be, so I asked him to continue.

"Ok." Anthony sighed and looked to the floor, just to look at me again a few seconds later. "I have to break up with you."

Something in my stomach wanted to come out. Almost gagging I ran to the kitchen sink, but nothing came. Still having to puke, I tried to form a few words, but neither my body nor my feelings allowed it. The tears rolling down my face like a waterfall, I felt like my whole life just shattered into tiny, little pieces. Was Anthony kidding? He's kidding, right?

My friend was still standing in his spot a few feet behind me. When I turned around to look at him, I saw that his eyes were red and had tears formed in them.

"I'm sorry. I can't do this." he said - almost whispering - and turned his back to me. "I gotta go."

And he really walked away. Just a few minutes later, I heard his car start up and him leaving me alone.

I was completely silent during these minutes, even after I heard him drive away. I figured that this couldn't be real, that it had to be a nightmare, and I would wake up in a few seconds. Because you always wake up right after the most horrible things, right?

No, not this time. I was stuck in this nightmare.

'I have to break up with you.'

'I can't do this.'

Reliving the most recent events, I started crying again. And I cried, and I cried, and I fell on the floor because my legs wouldn't carry me anymore, and I hurt my elbow when falling down, and it hurt like hell, and I cried even more. I cried because I really thought Anthony and I were soulmates. I cried because he suddenly left me all alone. I cried because I gave up so much for nothing. I cried because my elbow hurt. I cried because now everything will be different again. I cried because I hated Anthony for hurting me. I cried because I didn't want to hate him, because I loved him, but he left me, and probably was on his way to Kalel to tell her that he still loves her, and I couldn't stand that thought.

I don't know how long I cried, but I stopped after a whole while. Not because I felt any better, but because I cried out all my tears. Screaming but wanting to cry again -  because everything was better than screaming till the own throat hurt like hell - I somehow managed to get to the sofa by crawling on the floor. I lied on the soft rug in front of it and smuggled to the sofa. What would I have given in this moment to lie next to Anthony... I don't know and don't want to know.

Still crying, I searched for my phone in my pants, but it wasn't there. I must have left it somewhere, but I couldn't get up to search for it, so I just continued lying there, crying and thinking horrible thoughts till I fell asleep.

~~~

I woke up with a sore, dry throat. Trying not to think about the recent events - if not to say the last few weeks - I stood up and walked to the kitchen to make myself something to drink. My head hurt, and I wanted to drink some kind of alcohol, but I couldn't remember where we put it, so I just made myself a tea.

When I was sitting at the table, sipping my tea, I wondered what Anthony did right now. He probably went back to Kalel to apologize. I imagined him saying things like 'I don't know what was wrong with me.', 'You are the only person I will ever truly love.', and so on, and I was jealous.

I didn't want to go back to Melanie. She was great and all, and I enjoyed the 7 years that I spent being with her, but I changed in the last weeks, and I would never be the same again. My love for Anthony was real, and the pain I was experiencing right in that moment convinced me even more of that.

I really thought that he and I... That we finally realized what we wanted. That we needed and loved each other. It felt so real the whole time. Damn it, he cancelled his wedding for me! He chose ME. And now?

Maybe he couldn't take it: being gay and coming out to his family. He was scared, definetly, but I was too. I was willing to go through all of that for him... - for us! Could it be that he wasn't? That he was too scared of a relationship like this?

I wondered if I would ever find out the true reason why he broke up with me. Honestly, his love felt real, but breaking up with me just because he was scared? Was that something my best friend would do?

I asked myself many questions, as I was sitting there at the black, big table in our living room, drinking tea. Why did Anthony choose me, just to leave me? Was it all a big plan? What was going on with him, when we were younger - our first hug, our first kiss... And now. Our first time. So shortly before he started acting all weird. Was it the sex, maybe? Was it the fear of coming out?

A long while would pass till I got the answers to all these questions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I said there was going to be an epilogue, then I said there wasn't going to be one. And now, well... I found my first draft of the epilogue on my phone, and thought why not publish it? So you can read it in the next chapter of this story.
> 
> There will be no second part to this fanfiction, I'm sorry. Reasons are that I'm currently writing fanfictions in other fandoms, and I've also started to like oneshots more than series (as I am a quite unreliable author this is probably good for my readers). Also, this story has ended, and my writing skills have improved, and so on. So in short, no sequel coming. But you can check out my other fanfictions.


	11. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is only the first draft of an epilogue I have written ages ago. I found it on my phone and decided to publish it. I only changed one or two lines I didn't like. I did not add anything. This is completely raw writing, but I hope you enjoy it anyways.

_"Dear Ian,_

_Because we still have problems about talking with each other about our relationship and our feelings, I decided to write you a letter and give it to you on my wedding day._

_When you're reading this, I'm either marrying right now (in this case you really shouldn't be reading this letter in this moment) or I'm already married._

_I hope you can read my handwriting. I found it too unpersonal to type it with the PC. And now here I am, and my hand already hurts. Anyways..._

_I want you to know that I have always loved you. You were my friend since we were kids, and still are, you never weren't. And yes, maybe there was more than that, many years ago, but what we had just a few months ago... It just wasn't right. Breaking up with Kalel back then didn't feel right, because I still loved her. I had to decide, and I chose you, but that was a mistake._

_I'm writing this letter just days after our breakup, so I don't know how you managed all of that yet._

_But I know that you felt horrible, and trust me, I did too. That's why I was crying and screaming. I felt betrayed by my own feelings. First I didn't know who to love, and I chose the one who I felt like was my soulmate. And yes, you're my soulmate, but not in a romantic way. I learned that the day our parents should have come. It just didn't feel right to describe you and me as a couple._

_Yes, back then, when we were young, it felt right. You were my first love. But we didn't know ourselves as well as we do know._

_I want to apologize. I know that you really loved me. So long ago and not so long ago, maybe even now. I know that you won't be satisfied with 'just a friendship', but everything else wouldn't be true._

_Let's have a true friendship._

_Yours, Anthony."_

 

 

_The End._


End file.
